worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
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