I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
