i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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