I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
