I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
