So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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