can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
