Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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