I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
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