put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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