either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
