I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
