College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
