"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Randomize
