he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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