I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
