do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I haven't been this sober since birth.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
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