your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
