I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
