One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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