Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
