i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
