I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
