that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
