hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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