Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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