im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
