He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
