So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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