I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
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