so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
