I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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