Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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