3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
