Betty ford says i'm here all night
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Randomize
