when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Randomize
