Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
