i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
