You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Randomize
