so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
