Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
