i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
