I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
