I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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