Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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