thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Randomize
