Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
time to smoke my breakfast
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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