His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
