Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
