I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
