Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
