I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
