he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
