What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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